Inside Out

They wouldn’t tell me what I was going to be doing for my stag weekend. All I was told was to turn up in Nant Peris and to bring my black tie evening suit.

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“Always seems to me, that ‘Sorry’ seems to be the hardest word….”

-Elton John and Bernie Taupin

We all know it’s hard to say sorry. Even when we know we are wrong, or have wronged someone else, even when we know we should apologise, it can be the hardest thing in the world to do.

Maybe it’s the loss of face involved, the admission that we are failable. Maybe it’s the fact that we are making ourselves vulnerable to someone else, to scorn or ridicule. Even though we know that most apologies are accepted gracefully, we still have to find some inner strength to find the right words to say.

These Sorry Cards are designed to reduce the barriers to saying sorry. With groups of young people, I introduce them at the start of a course and let them know that they are available should the want them. If they need to apologies to someone they can come and get a card from me, no questions asked and give it to that person. If we have a base to work from I put them somewhere where they can help themselves.

By reducing the need to find the right words for the apology, and by turning it into a simple action, it reduces the feeling of exposing oneself to scorn, rejection or ridicule.

The have a number of different designs to let the giver chose a pattern they like, or think the receiver would like. You could of course create your own, or even get the group to create their own at the start of the course, in case they are needed.

Like all reviewing techniques it doesn’t work with every group, but if you have a fiery group where conflict is common, try it.

PDF: Sorry_Cards

It had been a cold, grey, damp winter. The cloud had barely lifted off the hills for more than a few hours in months. The bare trees were covered in moss and dripped continuously. It felt like we hadn’t been out to play for weeks.

Then one night the cloud disappeared and it was clear. No moon meant dark skies and the stars leapt out of the inky blackness. The Milky Way traversed from horizon to horizon.

Donning head torches, two friends and I walked up into the old quarries behind the village, built a fireplace from some pieces of slate and lit a fire. Under the stars we toasted marshmallows and put the world to rights. There was a cold wind but lots of layers and the fire kept us warm.

It was gone midnight when we picked our way through the slag heaps and back to our homes. Our eyes were red and our hair and clothes smelt of smoke but it didn’t matter, it was just nice to have been out doing something.

Rowdy from Inner Flame writes:

We are pleased to confirm that we will be holding our 3rd Invitation Day on January 9, 2010 at the Link Centre in West Swindon.

The aim is to enable people aged 14-19 to come along and try their hand at a free indoor rock climbing session, and to find out about our residential course, “Fire Me Up!”. There will be an opportunity to sign up for the next course on February 2010.

This will also include a presentation about Inner Flame and a chance to hear stories and experiences from previous participants from our past courses.

Numbers are strictly limited, so please contact us as soon as possible. To secure a place, you need to register by calling us on [redacted], or email me at info@innerflame.org.uk.

Thank you!

Inner Flame are a great charity (as well as being one of our clients). Their aim is

Their  “Fire Me Up!” course is a challenging residential experience for people aged 14-18. It’s about achieving success by:

• Making positive choices
• Taking action towards personal goals
• Building skills and self-confidence

Having met some of the course participants, I can say that they have an extraordinary amount of success.

H: Why are you digging a hole?
C: I’m looking for buried treasure.
H: What have you found?
C: A few dirty rocks, a weird root, and some disgusting grubs.
H: On your first try??
C: Yes. There’s treasure everywhere!

From There’s Treasure Everywhere (Calvin and Hobbes) via Ivan Holroyd.

From the formation of the British East India Company in 1600 until 1947, the British were control of the Indian subcontinent. They achieved this fueled by and in search of one beverage, tea. Over four hundred million people lubricated the hard work of powering an empire with an infusion of Camellia sinensis.

Tea still plays an enormous part in everyday British life, and nowhere more so than at work. Nowadays, other beverages are catching up fast. Coffee is the frequently offered alternative but the range of hot drinks available stretches from the sublime to the ridiculous. It doesn’t matter what you, the boss, or that odd lady who does the payroll drinks, as long as you drink something.

Leaving aside the health benefits of drinking tea (green, herbal, camomile or otherwise), or even of just drinking fluids, a cup of tea is an important psychological tool. Read More »

“This is what I love about friendships, especially climbing ones. You never know where they might lead. One day someone’s a stranger, another they hold your life in their hands.”

Andy Kirkpatrick

At lunch today the conversation turned to “ice-breaker” games used on course and I talked about my “Share the stupidest thing you have ever done” game. I like this game as it always seems to break down barriers fast.

Jeremy Renwick of Kubernetes then made the very good point that this game functions because “friendship is the exchange of  vulnerabilities“.

This had me thinking all the way home across the Wiltshire Downs. I have always been aware that friendships developed during climbing trips (or sailing, or kayaking) have a tendency to go from strangers to lifelong friends in very short periods. I knew that trust was an important part of this friendship and this statement sums it up perfectly for me.

When you hand the rope holding you to someone during climbing, you are about as vulnerable as you can be. Your life is literally in their hands. If those vulnerabilities aren’t exploited then you have formed a bond of trust that is as powerful as it is possible to be and a friendship normally follows.

I can see this phrase appearing in some of my courses from now on. I shall, of course, attribute it to Jeremy!